Only a final table finish would do in Sunday morning’s Seven Card Stud tourney to win me Best All-Around Player. I took my seat and saw to my dismay that we would be starting with only 1000 chips and that the blind structure was very fast for a stud tourney. I was either going to have to miraculously pick up this game or get very lucky early on in order to have a shot at the title.

Unfortunately, neither of these happened and I donked off most of my starting stack by chasing crappy draws, putting too much faith in one pair, and basically looking like a moron at the poker table. I hate looking like a moron at the poker table. It’s not something I’m accustomed to and it’s not fun. Fortunately the company was enjoyable, and I still managed to have a good time despite my obvious lack of skill or experience. I did make one good bluff, but of course I can’t tell you what it was! j/k

In the end Bill Chen put me out of my misery with trip jacks over my measly pair of sevens. To give you an idea of how poorly I was playing, despite the fact that I looked up from my split sevens and saw that Bill himself had one of my remaining sevens as his door card, I went ahead with the hand anyway and was just hoping to pair another one of my cards by the river in order to beat him. Merrily I donked along and called him down to the bitter end. Then I passed my chips across the table and put my last ATLARGE tourney of the weekend to bed.

Except for this pitiful showing in the stud tourney, I was extremely pleased with my playing for the weekend. I even added a few new plays to my arsenal, so next year I’ll be more dangerous than ever. Watch out!

After the insane blinds did their worst to Kevin and Matt, we headed over to P.F. Chang’s with Ivy for a tasty Chinese repast. We enjoyed dumplings, spicy scallops, and other delights as we waxed nostalgic about the great weekend we’d just enjoyed. Our waiter also gave us an expert demonstration in mu shu pancake wrapping.

After lunch it was time to say goodbye and head back up the Jersey highway to Brooklyn. I can’t wait for my next ARGE event (I will likely skip BARGE since I will be going to Ireland in August, but stay tuned for updates – I am working on a plan that involves cloning or supersonic travel, whichever I can get a permit for.) The pressure will be on since I have now won big at both ARGE events I have attended. I’ll be ready, so you should be too!

I am considering trying to win a seat in the WSOP but can’t decide what the best satellite route is. Any recommendations? I generally prefer supers to double shoot-outs and would not want to invest more than a few hundred dollars in this. Also if anyone is interested in investing in my road to the Series, let me know.

Similarly, I will be trying to play more bigger buy-in events and more live tourneys. I enjoy them a lot and think there is some element of surprise that gives me an advantage in a live game. If anyone is interested in backing any of these exploits, shoot me an email.

For now it’s back to the grind, limit hold ‘em on UB, some deep stacks and 180-person SNG action, and a big Sunday tourney when I feel like it (although not this week because it was my birthday and not next week because it’s book club day). I am also still in the hunt for my first score in the Friday night tourney I’ve been playing. I’m just biding my time, boys. Your money won’t be safe from me much longer.

One hand to finish things off. This is from the Sunday Million Guaranteed on Stars from last week:

PokerStars Game #4265024157: Tournament #20354660, Hold’em No Limit – Level II (15/30) – 2006/03/12 – 16:45:38 (ET)
Table ’20354660 4′ Seat #5 is the button
Seat 5: hotcookie42 (1695 in chips)
Seat 7: chanukya (2050 in chips)
Seat 8: IROCHIMA (2670 in chips)
LUHMAN: posts small blind 15
chanukya: posts big blind 30
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hotcookie42 [Ac Ad]
IROCHIMA: calls 30
hotcookie42: raises 90 to 120
LUHMAN: folds
chanukya: calls 90
IROCHIMA: calls 90
*** FLOP *** [5s 4h 6d]
chanukya: checks
IROCHIMA: checks
hotcookie42: bets 330
chanukya: calls 330
IROCHIMA: folds
*** TURN *** [5s 4h 6d] [7d]
chanukya: bets 300
hotcookie42: calls 300
*** RIVER *** [5s 4h 6d 7d] [2d]
chanukya: checks
hotcookie42: checks
*** SHOW DOWN ***
chanukya: shows [Jc Jh] (a pair of Jacks)
hotcookie42: shows [Ac Ad] (a pair of Aces)
hotcookie42 collected 1635 from pot

I realize this is not the best flop for my hand, especially after my flop bet gets called and the turn puts four to a straight on the board. Does anyone fold on the turn? After thinking through the hand a bit more, it seems to me that calling is probably the worst option. If my opponent has made his hand, I’m probably going to have to call his river bet (unless it’s all-in) now that the pot is so large. Raising would probably be better, because if he does have a set or a straight, he might reraise here and give me a better idea of where I stand. If he is drawing, my call doesn’t put any pressure on him. Checking behind on the river seems like a no-brainer to me – anyone value betting here?

Also, anyone disagree with the way my opponent played his pair of jacks? I think the pre-flop call is okay (unless he knows me, in which case he should definitely reraise!). I think his call on the flop is as bad as my call on the turn, and for similar reasons.

People play spectacularly badly in this tournament. Every week I am amazed at the many creative ways that they take my chips. (Please read “creative” in its most pejorative and sarcastic sense.)

Play good!

Coming soon: pictures of my trophy plaque and wine cozy!

So now I had chips. Here is the part of the tournament where I have chips and start raising like it’s going out of style. Unfortunately, today was also the day I decided to misread my hand. I was on the button and on a steal with Ad 6d. The small blind folded and the big blind, whose name I don’t remember but who plays very solid, called my raise. The flop came Kd Qd x. Beautiful! I lead out with an almost pot-sized bet. The big blind pauses thoughtfully, then moves all-in. Wonderful! I look back at my cards to check on my two diamonds…and see that Lord Voldemort has transformed them into two hearts!!! Cursing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and my own fricking stupidity, I am forced to muck and surrender a huge chunk of my stack. Now I need chips again.

So anyway, steal steal steal, I hang around for a while. I’m dealt Qd Jd. Wary of suited cards (and dark wizards), I check the suits carefully and limp under the gun. Usually I would raise, but I felt like mixing it up, getting lucky, and doubling up in brilliant fashion. Alternatively, there was still time in the day to go to the spa with Ivy, so busting would be fine with me too. Dave Fruchter obliges me and raises, and I call. The flop comes 8d 9d 9x. I check. Dave, who has exactly two thousand chips left, bets a thousand. I raise and put him all-in. He shakes his head, thinks for a bit, and then…mucks?? I shrug and take down the pot.

The blinds are huge and I steal some more. Eric is getting sick of my “raising station” ways and starts to push back at me. I’m dealt QJo in the big blind when Eric raises under the gun. (I apologize once again for the lack of blind or stack sizes. Suffice it to say that the raise represented about one third of my stack.) I knew I had the worst hand but decided I might be able to outplay him with a stop and go. If he had a big pair, I would head to the spa. The flop was not bad: 2 3 4 rainbow. Not great if he had an ace, which he very well might, but I thought he might even fold an ace if I did this right. I pushed all-in for another 2800, which was about two thirds of his stack if I remember correctly. He thought for a long time and was muttering things like, “I raised under the gun. Under the gun! And you called…and then you pushed in on that flop…” etc etc. He seemed indignant that I would be so aggressive when he had raised under the gun. Eventually he mucked his cards. A la Chao Jiang: “I like play pokahhhh.”

Eric was to get the better of me in the end, though. With the blinds up yet again, I was short-stacked yet again after losing a coin flip to Bill Chen. We were about twelve players from the money when I picked up A4o in the small blind. It was folded around to me and I raised (big surprise). Eric didn’t surprise me when he moved all-in. He had me covered, but I needed chips, and my goal was to win this thing, not finish 18th, so I called. I was surprised when he turned up A8o. The flop came ace-high, but the rest were low cards and there was no split pot. I was out of the game in 32nd place.

Just like the day before, even more fun awaited me away from the poker tables. I first headed over to Red Square, a bar at the Tropicana. Matt, Ivy, Kevin, Rob, Steve, Dave Fruchter and his wife Leslie were all there and on their second round of appletinis when I arrived. The drinks kept coming and the conversation was lively, ranging from poker to politics, mixed with lots of laughs. We had an eight o’clock dinner reservation at Cuba Libre, but before that we decided to engage in some karaoke antics upstairs. I think we scared the crap out of everyone else in the place with our fervor for this art form. After showing everyone my very convincing Cher impression and ripping the hell out of “Love Shack,” I had worked up an appetite for some Cuban food.

We all trooped down to Cuba Libre and met up with the Kuznicks for dinner. Someone ordered mojitos for the table, but I couldn’t drink mine because it was way too sweet. I enjoyed some sweet potato and ground beef croquettes as an appetizer, followed by the “El Churrasco”, a delicious steak with garlic potatoes and yucca fries, washed down with a spunky 2006 Coca-Cola. Richard Brodie, eat your heart out.

Matt and Ivy were moving from the Taj to another hotel, so I helped them move their car after dinner. We had an unexpected adventure at the new hotel, which had its parking garage on the second floor. This garage was only accessible by a car elevator. Since I obviously lived to tell the tale, we can laugh about this now, but it was pretty touch-and-go as we maneuvered the car into the elevator and rode up to the second floor. While I’m glad I can cross “drive car in elevator” off my lifetime to-do list, I’m also glad I will probably never have to do this again.

Back at the Taj, I decided to check out the action in the Poker Stars hospitality suite, since no pink chip game was going in the poker room. Up in the suite, a rotation game had sprung up, $1/$2 HOE. Since Kevin and Steve were hanging around, I knew this could get silly pretty fast, so I grabbed a seat and joined in.

While I was there, Goldie was kind enough to bring me an ATLARGE hoodie, which I had been wanting all weekend. Now would be a good time to add my own accolades to those expressed on the ATLARGE listserv, because Goldie did a fantastic job of organizing and running this event. Thank you so much for all you did, Goldie – your energy and your dedication are just amazing. And thanks for the hoodie!

The biggest pot I won in the rotation game was one where I decided to straddle blind (hold ‘em round). Of course it was capped pre-flop, and on every street, and on the river the board was like J T 9 7 3. The pot was huge, but then Chris O’Connor bet the river and two people folded. I looked at my hand and saw I had a seven. I didn’t see how I could fold for one bet, even with Steve behind me. So I called. Steve mucked a nine face-up and Chris confessed with a grimace that he had absolutely nothing. I won the pot with my pair of sevens. Thanks for the “protection,” Chris!

We ended the poker action with a NLHE sit-and-go. We had ten players, including Kevin, Joan, Rob, Steve, Chris, Kenny, Matt Ivester and others. By employing my typical “raising station” strategy, I quickly had everyone pissed off. Kevin had the misfortune of running into one of my real hands, KK, and busting. He got another chance at me when Kenny had to leave unexpectedly and Kevin took over his stack. Too bad I had AA this time. And that’s how I was able to bust Kevin twice from the same tourney. ;0)

Eventually it came down to Steve, Matt, and me. We traded the chip lead around for a while, and Steve was rivaling me for the title of “raising station.” Finally I picked up AK against one of his crazy over-bet all-ins, and I called. He turned up 34. I rolled my eyes. It was my deal and I stared at the deck in my hand, knowing somehow that I was about to get outdrawn by this monkey. Sure enough, the turn paired him up and I was reduced to a very grim stack of chips indeed. I didn’t last much longer and ended up finishing third for a profit of $20. Woot!

After this I meandered down to idly observe one of the most absurd things you could ever see: professional poker players handing their hard-earned money back to the casino in a pit game. Kevin, Rob, and Steve played three-card poker while I rolled my eyes and inhaled second-hand cigarette smoke. Kevin of course had to go and turn a nice profit, so he learned nothing about the folly of pit games. We swung by the poker room to see if there was anything interesting going on there but didn’t end up playing. After some more late-night meandering it was time for bed. I had decided to shoot for Best All-Around Player, which after my poor showing in NLHE meant that I would have to kick ass in the next day’s tourney, a game I had never played before: Seven Card Stud.