I’m sorry to say that it’s finally happened. A poker tournament has gotten so long and drawn out that I’ve losing the energy required for *sweating* it. As we head into Thursday’s ESPN live broadcast, I’m going to to need a few things to keep me going:

• lots and lots of snacks
• healthy hatred of one of the final tablists (provided by Terrence and said player’s absurd chiplead)
• stalwart hero to support (Allen Allen Allen! oy oy oy!)
• AIM uplink to people whose poker opinions I respect (to avoid the only commentary being, “he either has a Royal Flush or he’s bluffing – for historical context, please refer to any WSOP final table production pre-2004).
• stress toys
• side action (anyone wanna do props with me during the broadcast?)

That should about cover it. I am ashamed to say that I have not followed much of the Cardplayer coverage the last few days. Once all my friends and allies were eliminated, I pretty much stopped caring who made the final table. Now that the game is on, however, I feel I should make some effort to enjoy the last day of the most ridiculous poker tournament ever played. Join me, won’t you?

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What a great trip, man. In my final post about Vegas, let me share some highlights that demonstrate just how much Vegas kicks ass.

• Lazy, giggly dinners. This trip’s best meal was at Olives with Chris, Matt, Terrence, and select others (totalling 12 diners). After gorging on beef carpaccio, butternut squash ravioli, and falling chocolate cake, I looked up from my plate and realized we’d closed the place down. They simply had no more food. The boys fought over who had the biggest dong (i.e. played credit card roulette for the check) except for one self-confident gent who bought his way out. As the hottest girl at the table, the matter of my participation in this frippery was never in question. Unfortunately, Chris was forced to put in two cards to cover my velociraptor-like appetite, and he ended up chopping the bill with another guy. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time he considered my presence at the dinner table a bad beat.
• Hilarious pick-up lines. Anyone who knows me well knows that one of my favorite comedians is Last Comic Standing’s Dat Phan. He has a bit about guys with accents and funny pick-up lines. Funny as it is when “I only have eyes for you” becomes “I only have one eyeball…and it’s for you,” (cue Vietnamese accent here), the line I heard while wading in the Bellagio pool was even more laughable. As I’m dousing myself in pool water to relieve the 110 degree heat, an American (no appreciable accent) starts splashing me from behind. When I turn to look at him, he grins and says, “You look like you wanted to get wet.” Wow, buddy, what was your first clue? The bikini? The fact that I’m standing in a pool? The fact that I’m splashing water on myself? Your clever double entendre has earned you a place in my blog. Well done, Bellagio Pool Pick-Up Line Guy. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.
• Crushable limit hold ‘em games. I ended up taking over $1500 off the 15/30 tables this week in just 10 hours of play. For those of you keeping score at home, that is a rate of 5 BB/hr. Not too shabby considering it was my first stab at this limit. While I certainly caught my share of cards, I also have to pat myself on the back for squeezing every dollar out of almost every made hand and releasing the second-best hand on all but two key occasions (one with pocket aces, which went five bets pre-flop four ways and lost to pocket deuces on a flop of 772). Playing in these games reminded me how much harder hold ‘em is online (no plans to move up to 15/30 regularly any time soon). Aside from the truly abhorrent play of my opponents, I am able to use all of my dirtiest live play tricks – namely, flirting up a storm and talking people into the depths of insanity. One player switched seats because he said I talk too much. Joy.
• Human-sized bathtubs. This might seem ridiculous, but it is truly magnificent to have a separate tub and shower. I took a bath every night and I am not ashamed to admit it. Call me a hedonist. Go ahead. I dare you.
• Functional, consistent air conditioning in all buildings. Anyone living in New York City these last few weeks will appreciate this feature.
• No raised eyebrows, no questions asked. No one condemns you under their breath for sitting in a poker game for six hours (or more) at a clip. No one complains when you ask for your room to be made up at 6pm. No one lectures you when you take a thousand (plus) dollars, turn it into chips, and use it as ammo instead of putting it in your retirement fund. In this town, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Not to get too preachy, but in a society where everyone is under constant scrutiny and judgment, this is a very liberating feeling.

Not much reader participation lately on this blog, so here is your big chance! Write in and tell us your favorite things about Vegas (try to be a little more creative and elaborate than “strippers” or “no limit keno”). You might also share your favorite Vegas anecdote. If your anecdote is compromising in any way, you may want to post anonymously. Although that’s not as much fun.

Played the Caesar’s noon tourney both yesterday and today. Good field, good prize pool, so-so structure. Basically there’s a jump from 200/400/50 to 400/800/100 that makes your stack look pretty dismal when just a moment before everything was cool. Yesterday I did a poor job of adjusting to this and ended up bleeding off all my chips in the kind of slow death you’re never supposed to experience. Today, I played much better and ran my chips up nicely until we reached the tipping point. Here I called a short stack’s all in with AA only to lose half my stack to him when he spike a set on the river; I lost the rest of my stack calling an all-in with KK. On that hand the initial raiser held QQ and the chip leader behind us called with 78s. You can guess who won that one. I played well today and know I played correctly. Two river cards made the difference between chip leader and rail bird.

So why do I play tournaments? Especially when I was able to sit down and collect $450 in four hours in the 15/30 limit games last night. Granted the potential payoff in a tourney is much higher; I guess I am wrestling with the question of whether I play for fun or for profit. This trip I’ve done a bit of both and I’m happy.

Now everyone wish Maroon good luck as he defends his position as chip leader in the Main Event!

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