Vegas: Grand Finale

What a great trip, man. In my final post about Vegas, let me share some highlights that demonstrate just how much Vegas kicks ass.

• Lazy, giggly dinners. This trip’s best meal was at Olives with Chris, Matt, Terrence, and select others (totalling 12 diners). After gorging on beef carpaccio, butternut squash ravioli, and falling chocolate cake, I looked up from my plate and realized we’d closed the place down. They simply had no more food. The boys fought over who had the biggest dong (i.e. played credit card roulette for the check) except for one self-confident gent who bought his way out. As the hottest girl at the table, the matter of my participation in this frippery was never in question. Unfortunately, Chris was forced to put in two cards to cover my velociraptor-like appetite, and he ended up chopping the bill with another guy. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time he considered my presence at the dinner table a bad beat.
• Hilarious pick-up lines. Anyone who knows me well knows that one of my favorite comedians is Last Comic Standing’s Dat Phan. He has a bit about guys with accents and funny pick-up lines. Funny as it is when “I only have eyes for you” becomes “I only have one eyeball…and it’s for you,” (cue Vietnamese accent here), the line I heard while wading in the Bellagio pool was even more laughable. As I’m dousing myself in pool water to relieve the 110 degree heat, an American (no appreciable accent) starts splashing me from behind. When I turn to look at him, he grins and says, “You look like you wanted to get wet.” Wow, buddy, what was your first clue? The bikini? The fact that I’m standing in a pool? The fact that I’m splashing water on myself? Your clever double entendre has earned you a place in my blog. Well done, Bellagio Pool Pick-Up Line Guy. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.
• Crushable limit hold ’em games. I ended up taking over $1500 off the 15/30 tables this week in just 10 hours of play. For those of you keeping score at home, that is a rate of 5 BB/hr. Not too shabby considering it was my first stab at this limit. While I certainly caught my share of cards, I also have to pat myself on the back for squeezing every dollar out of almost every made hand and releasing the second-best hand on all but two key occasions (one with pocket aces, which went five bets pre-flop four ways and lost to pocket deuces on a flop of 772). Playing in these games reminded me how much harder hold ’em is online (no plans to move up to 15/30 regularly any time soon). Aside from the truly abhorrent play of my opponents, I am able to use all of my dirtiest live play tricks – namely, flirting up a storm and talking people into the depths of insanity. One player switched seats because he said I talk too much. Joy.
• Human-sized bathtubs. This might seem ridiculous, but it is truly magnificent to have a separate tub and shower. I took a bath every night and I am not ashamed to admit it. Call me a hedonist. Go ahead. I dare you.
• Functional, consistent air conditioning in all buildings. Anyone living in New York City these last few weeks will appreciate this feature.
• No raised eyebrows, no questions asked. No one condemns you under their breath for sitting in a poker game for six hours (or more) at a clip. No one complains when you ask for your room to be made up at 6pm. No one lectures you when you take a thousand (plus) dollars, turn it into chips, and use it as ammo instead of putting it in your retirement fund. In this town, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Not to get too preachy, but in a society where everyone is under constant scrutiny and judgment, this is a very liberating feeling.

Not much reader participation lately on this blog, so here is your big chance! Write in and tell us your favorite things about Vegas (try to be a little more creative and elaborate than “strippers” or “no limit keno”). You might also share your favorite Vegas anecdote. If your anecdote is compromising in any way, you may want to post anonymously. Although that’s not as much fun.